Friday, February 8, 2013

The Coworker Files, Episode 1: I've Been Challenged To A Mouse Off

As my regular readers are no doubt aware, this blog centers on books and book-related things. It's a logical choice of topics, being that I am a writer, and the Marketing Coordinator for Spence City.

However, I also have a day job. (cue ominous music) While I'm not going to tell you what company I work for, or even what I do for this day-work, suffice it to say that it's a desk job. Instead of being surrounded by customers, I'm surrounded by coworkers.

You'd think that would be a good thing.

For the most part, it is. I have no real complaints, and my employer is nice enough to pay me on a regular basis. Still, the interections I have with my fellow desk jockeys makes me wonder if there's anyone this place won't hire.

I mean, they did hire me.

To celebrate the special lunacy that only comes from working in an artificially lit, climate-controlled environment, I am starting a new feature on this blog: The Coworker Files. Some stories will be new, some years old, and some will be stories that others shared with me. I will always change names to protect the innocent - and keep myself from getting in trouble. Or fired.

Our first tale happened to me just a few days ago. A coworker was showing me how to access a certain system. While doing so, she revealed that, should I not want to use my mouse to paste information into the desired field, I could hit CTRL-V instead. She went on to explain that "they added CTRL-V to all the computers, so people who can't mouse can still get their work done". Then she smiled sweetly and added, "I'll understand if you only use CTRL-V."

Okay…what? What does that even mean? Who are they? Why did they put all this stuff in the computers? When did they do it? Furthermore, do I present as an individual who lacks the cognitive ability to point and click a fricken 'mouse?

I totally need to work on my image.

In the end, I understood what had really happened: she was challenging me to a mouse off. Well, sister, I can point and click like a champ. I've been burning up my ergonomically designed desk with my super mouse skills ever since.

There you have it - our first coworker file! Say, do you have any funny stories about that lunatic that sits a few cubes over from you? Would you like it featured here? Email it to me at
Because really, you can't make this stuff up.